Monday, 16 March 2009


Apparently the free London commuter paper 'Metro' is ten years old today. In line with my usual stance of being grumpy and negative about most things in life, I say that's ten years too old. Potential conspiracy theory coming up...!

Taking the Tube in the morning will reveal a site of pretty much everyone reading a copy of the Metro. I do occasionally glance at it, on the rare occasions I take the Tube, if I find a copy lying around (and there are always an abundance lining the seats) but everytime I do read it, I wonder why I bother. It's so full of dumbed down news and retarded views and opinions. It truly is pitched at the lowest common level of intelligence.

The scary thing is that so many people read it and then take their daily news from it. Happily I don't work with a group of people who all arrive by public transport (though I wish less of them would drive...) but I can imagine that conversations regarding the day's news amongst people that have all got their news form the same source must be quite dull...

"Did you hear about that new type of bus?"
"Oh that, yeah. Hey, I saw a story about this elephant this morning, right..."
"Yup, me too. Ooh, there was this thing in the paper about..."
"Heard it."

The really scary thing is that all these people are then filled up with 'news', opinions and adverts from exactly the same source. This can only have a brainwashing effect, creating a whole city of expressionless drones, all thinking the same thoughts about the same subject.

The really, really scary thing is the level of respect that people have for the Metro. It can do no wrong and everything it says is true. It has the first word of the day, and the final word, on the day's news.

So ten years have passed since this litter-box-liner was launched and I'm sure the publishers, and the sinister heads behind them, must be about the launch their campaign of global domination. All they have to do, if it hasn't started already, is gradually adopt a increasingly extreme stance on world affairs, little step by little step, until a the million or more Londoners who are daily 'informed' by this paper are tuned to the overlords' mindset.

Wanna take over the world? Just buy out the people behind the Metro and spout your megalomaniacal tendencies to the Greater London Area.

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