Friday, 23 July 2010


Warning, those of a sensitive diposition, this post will contain: a dose of anger; details of an out-of-proportion punishment as retribution for a minor social infraction; and, probably, a tirade about how rubbish everything is. That's quite a lot to cover.

Godamnit, I am fecking sick of having to experience second-hand excrement emanating from the earhole-orifices of those brain-donors who are unable to moderate the volume of their iTwats. Yep, it's a pretty minor thing, when lain against the context of all the world's problems, but I know from personal experience that it's actually not that hard to check if the shite I listen to is only audible to me. 

This can't go on. Something has to be done. Have a polite word, you might well suggest, and you'd be bang on the mark. Believe me, I've tried, but remember the level of cognition we'll deal with here: at worst such an approach will ellicit a response on the end of a knife; at best you'll get a slack-jawed "Guuuuugh...?"

So what's the answer? Well, I'm willing to take a hit for the team here by changing my dream superpower. Oh yes, it's a quite an extreme response, but my current deam superpower of being able to breath underwater, whilst suitably 'nice' simply isn't going to clear our public transport system of these pillocks. My new dream superpower (remember, you read it here first!) was going to be the ability to call in an A-10 to provide my fellow travellers and I with an airstrike whenever it might suit our needs and watch the aforementioned boneheads be vaporised in a hail of 30mm shells as they step off the tram at East Croydon.

Giving it a little thought this might be seen as a little extreme: not only would it be a poor use of anti-tank ammunition but also, apparently, what's good for natural selection is not actually all that hot when seeking re-election, so a more measured approach of education is the way forward...

Perhaps my new dream superpower could be to be able to remove the power of hearing (temporarily, yer damn liberals...) from offending dunces until they are back in their sound-proofed cells homes. To truly appeal to the masses this superpower could be extended such that whenever someone is able to overhear a fool's choice of music, said moron is rendered deaf simply by the subconcious will of the afflicted individual. Eventually these inconsiderate zombies will concede that their infernal machines and their noise pollution are useless; they'll send their ipods away to be usefully recycled; they'll seek a new method of transportation entertainment; they'll start by reading trash like the Metro but given time... they'll evolve enough to pick up a book; then they'll expand their minds and the world will become a better place.

Hmmm, it seems that my alternative dream superpower leads to world peace. Result.