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Ok, calm down: the choice isn’t between scrabbling around trying to get Windows to ‘illegally’ work for the rest of my life, and a Linux alternative I haven’t got the patience to learn.
It turns out that it’s Ubuntu that isn’t for me, and Linux Mint (LM) is the way to go (again, for me). For future reference, I also had a go at Zorin OS, but it was too similar to Ubuntu. I think it’s that those OSes are a little over-stylised for me; I want something a bit more ‘mechanical’. It’s like the days when I tried to make Win7 look like Win9x instead of its supposedly more modern stylised look & feel.
Anyway, I’m typing this on Linux Mint (well, not really: I’m still just using Google docs in a browser!) and a lot of things seem to be going ok. I’m going to have to learn to live without a few things & programs, but that’s life. I was annoyed by the amount of initial configuring I had to do (though less annoyed than by the configuring I couldn’t do in Ubuntu & Zorin) but then I look at the list of shit I had to piss about with when installing Windows (e.g. making Win7 look like Win9x, the stacks of stuff I need to do every time when installing Win10, and now the loooong list of Win11 stuff that needs fiddling) and maybe Linux begins to look not-so-bad after all!